Can you find what is not lost?
”You alone are.”
What a statement!… it comes from the book ”I AM THAT” - Nisargadatta Maharaj
I remember seeing this book at the yoga studio I first visited in 2007, the year my son was born. I took morning classes there, 5 days a week for a year and it really helped me get into a daily meditation routine.
I never looked in the book and didn't think about it so much after that.
In the beginning of the summer I saw this book again, it was at a friend´s house. I just took it down and flipped through it, then put it back again not thinking any more of it. Later I came across a talk by Wayne Dyer where he mentioned the ”I AM discourses”.
I search for that and started listening with much interest. This lead me to the teachings of Nevill Goddard. I listened with full attention to all of his books and heard over and over again his references to the Bible and the way it describes God as ”I AM”.
The seekers search
I have identified myself as the seeker for a long time. I have constantly been on the search for something better then what is here now. Sometimes I have felt satisfied but mostly unsatisfied and restless… it comes and goes.
For most part of my life I have been unaware of the search and operated on autopilot until my breakdown in 2006, which I will tell you more about shortly.
This made me conscious of the search and the seeker, but it didn't become any easier for a long time any way.
I am still seeking, still unsatisfied, still hungry for more or something else than what is here now. The difference now is that most of the time I am satisfied with what life has to offer and I can recognize pretty fast when I am not; when I´m longing for something other than what is here now.
Then I stop, pray and reconnect with the stillness, silence and spaciousness of the present moment. My home is here in this moment and nowhere else, my home is inside, my home is God, my home is me.
But underneath it all there is still a seeker at work forgetting it is already found.
What is the realization of "I AM"?
It is interesting to me when I hear Maharaj say; and I have heard this many times before from other teachers; ”You cannot find what is not lost”. This implies that I AM not lost, I AM already here, I AM what I AM searching for… ”I AM THAT”.
One thing is to hear it and say it and another to fully realize it. Although my experience of myself has changed completely over the past decade, I have not yet fully realized this myself.
This is why I am still reading and listening to great teachers of the world… I want to know… I want to keep being reminded of the possibility of complete self realization. This keeps me inspired and lifts me up.
Maharaj says that life happens spontaneously and we can never know when we will find the ultimate truth of that which we are and that we should drop the search and focus on the thought feeling, ”I AM”, in the present moment and not let it go.
This idea can be frustrating for the mind because the mind thrives and feeds on the search itself, it wants to stay in the search, because there it has a never ending purpose; being on a search that never ends. It has some importance, it can come up with new ideas and suggestions.
We cannot come to realization through our thinking mind… We have to go beyond it (it is to recognize the thought-feeling; I AM) and Maharaj says; ”Find what it is, that never sleeps and never wakes. Find him who is always present.”, ”The sense ‘I am’ is the manifestation of a deeper cause, which you may call self, God, Reality or by any other name.”
How do we then go beyond the bussing noise of our inner dialog, thoughts and images that occupy us most of our waking time and connect with something beyond it?
Well, Maharaj gives clear instructions on what to do… It is so simple yet so hard: ”Stay constantly in the thought feeling of ”I AM”.
This is home, this is pure being, everlasting bliss… the birth-less and death-less existence of eternal awareness.
The mind will fight like a baby to come back to the mother again. Don´t leave me please…haha.
This is why it is so important to constantly remember that I am not my thoughts and I am not lost.
Drop the focus on the mind and it´s ways and be interested in the one thinking instead. Put your attention there.
Maharaj says; "Do not undervalue attention. It means interest and also love. To know, to do, to discover, or to create you must give your heart to it – which means attention. All the blessings flow from it.
Let the thoughts come and go, don´t pay attention to them and they will leave you alone. They do not have any life of their own until you decide to follow along with them and argue with the inner voice.
I still have desires and fears and likes and dislikes. I identify myself with my body and its pains and pleasures. I still want to become somebody, have people admire me, like me, want me for what I can do.
To give all of this up is a frightening thought even though I sort of know that in the long run it can give me nothing but grief.
Even the most wonderful experience has an end. This is a reassuring thought if we turn it around and see that the same is true for the really bad experiences; they will also come to an end.
Life is constantly changing and we should not cling to any particular experience. Maharaj says; that we have to be ernest and to persist in returning to the self.
Neville Goddard says;
”As the conditioned state, I (man), might forget who I am, or where I am, but I cannot forget that I AM.
This knowing that I AM, this awareness of being, is the only reality.”
We identify ourselves with the conditioned state; our name, body, thoughts, problems, achievements… and on and on.
We jump into different ideas of ourselves all the time and we miss the One Reality; I AM.
”I AM… something" is conditioned consciousness… ”I AM” is unconditioned awareness.
I think that most people are sleep-walking through life, fighting personal battles all the time. Being dragged from that state to this state and endlessly trying to feel better, be better, have a better life, a better job, be more happy and successful, etc; not ever being completely satisfied.
I know this feeling of being unsatisfied and how the mind constantly attaches itself to ever new ideas that promise satisfaction, but never fully deliver.
As long as we identify ourselves as something we become it, good or bad. This is why Maharaj Keeps reminding us to stay in the thought feeling of ”I AM” and let all else be.
My own spiritual search
The bible says; ”Ask, and it shall be given you.”, ”Seek and you shall find:”, Knock and it shall be open onto you.”
My spiritual search started in 2006; that´s when I had a massive breakdown and I really felt completely lost. I had run my life into the ground and didn´t know how to get out. It felt like I didn´t have any direction and I realized that I needed something that could give me power, guidance, security and a sense of unconditional love.
In that desperate state I gave up and came to know ”A Power” greater then my little ego self; a power that I knew would take care of me always and that loved me endlessly and far beyond human love. Call it God or whatever you want.
I had to first grasp for something other than myself, something bigger, beyond words and explanations. This became my starting point.
This was when the seed was planned. The field of my mind had been an overgrown, entangled mess of wrong ideas, concepts and identities; packed with ghosts of the past, present and future.
From there on I had strength to go on a fearless inner search, to clear out all the garbage and cut down all the dead trees of my wrong ego concepts and ideas. And clear away all the rubbish that had been building up inside. I saw all the fears and desires that blocked me and everything I had done wrong in my life I tried to set right.
This work brought me enormous freedom and I now live life with more clarity and happiness than ever before I still feel the restlessness, the search is still there. Even though my inner garden is in bloom and trees bear fruit there is a silent voice calling to go beyond what is here.
Neville´s teachings has given me a broader perspective of the one power. I already knew that God can only be found inside of me but he states; That which you are conscious of being is that which you have named God. God and man are one. You and your Father are one [John 10:30].
Your unconditioned consciousness, or I AM, and that which you are conscious of being, are one.
This has opened my spiritual eyes a lot and I find myself becoming more and more submerged in the idea of; in reality being one with all.
Even though we cannot find what is not lost in the first place I believe that the search is the starting point for us all. We cannot come to the realization ”that we are what we are looking for” before we find someone who points at us and asks ”Who are you?”
The second stage of my spiritual search has begun; the search that isn´t a search really, but more of a tuning into the still silent voice of ”One Reality”, One ”I AM”
I do not know what life has coming my way and maybe I am not ready to let go of the surfboard and quit riding the waves of pleasure and pain, attraction and repulsion, likes and dislikes. Maybe I am not ready to become one with all… or should I say become fully aware that ”I AM THAT” already
As a starting point we are all seekers until we fully realize that we are the one we seek; completely whole, free and unbound.
However my development is going to unfold, I am sure of one thing and that is that somehow, someday, some time I will reach that final destination of complete self realization. This gives me comfort and I can relax and flow with life and practice coming back to the thought felling ”I AM” over and over again until it locks into place.
Both Neville and Maharaj says that; ”What you identify yourself to be you become”; this seems to be the Law operating in consciousness.
Maharaj says; my Guru told me that ”You alone are”, and I did not doubt him. Within three years of persisting in coming back to the self he had realized this remarkable truth.
I am going to leave you with this Quote from his book ”I AM THAT”.
Someone asked Maharaj this ”What you imagine and think you are you become. If I think I AM the supreme reality won’t the supreme reality remain a mare idea? He answers; first reach that state then ask the question.
There is so much more to explore in this treasure of a book ”I AM THAT” and the books of Neville Goddard. If you have not read any of them you are in for a treat.
I am on the Great Adventure,
”The Adventure Of Now” and it is truly fantastic.
This article was influenced by the teachings of Nisargadatta Maharaj and Nevill Goddard. I am writing this in my own words as much as I can and to the best of my knowledge and interpretation. This is how I see things now.
I aim to share my spiritual findings in weekly blog posts. This will also be available to listen to in my pod ”The Adventure Of Now” on Soundcloud. If you go there you will also find a guided meditation after the episode.
You can also listen to this post as a track below, which ends with a guided meditation.
If you would like to read more about manifesting your desires, please view my first blog post; ”The truth that will set you free here.”
Wish you a joyous week:)