Journaling, day 1.
What are we waiting for?
Are you taking action or waiting for life to happen?
There is so much things I would like to accomplish and so many things I would like to see. I miss being on the road and I miss the wind underneath my wings. And yet life feels more stable than before. So what is that longing, that desire that silently speaks louder?
"Maybe my words are confusing or even nonsens, but I no longer care. I have longed for so long to stay true to my emotions and to express what I think and feel."
I look out the window and the grey sky softly lets go of small, small water drops that make a beautiful pattern on my window.
I have placed myself by the computer to just write and let it flow. If I just keep it all inside, there is no way for me to express my feelings and it easily fades away. To be built up like an energetic chain holding me back from moving forward.
If we are all here to stand in our great power, why are we not…? Why can´t we all realize and just move fast forward to a better world? Why is there a need for challenges and limiting feelings? Why is there a need for judging, why not just leave it as it is and let it breath without meeting anything that hinders?
If we are all one and we are connected through our conscious thinking, would not my writing help others to unblock themselves to start letting that divine power shine through?
So many night and days I have spent trying to figure things out, trying to be a part of the race. Giving to receive, laughing to gain trust and trying to fit in.
What if I can just start journaling and sharing my thoughts, to write every day and share. Not correcting not to create something special, but just create and be in that flow. What would happen and what would be the intent? Well, does it need to be one?
It is September and more than 6 months since my mother passed away. I am listening to Christmas songs as I am writing and the music ease my heartache and I feel blessed, blessed to have soothing music playing as I am breathing through my inner ache and worry.
What will Christmas look like? That time of the year has always been close to my heart… But the thought of one family member missing makes it so much harder. I know life is not forever and that the only thing we can be certain of is that we will all leave at one point, for a new magical adventure.
So what is the magic about this, about living here and now at this time? You can turn yourself inside and out trying to find your purpose… But if you instead look at what you have; an intelligent body, all your senses and your conscious mind, it points towards experience. To experience life, to create with your mind and bare hands.
"I long for creation, I long to create with my hands. To put things together and create something lasting."
Maybe my words are confusing or even nonsens, but I no longer care. I have longed for so long to stay true to my emotions and to express what I think and feel.
We all have different experiences in life. Some are magical and some make us empty and sad. So why do we stress through life, so we can relax when we get old. Saying something or someone is old is just a way for us to categories and understand life. By labeling we create, by labeling old we create fear. If getting old means closer to death.
When one of my grandmother´s died, I was present in the hallway at the hospital. I together with my sister was visiting her in her home when she was sick, without us knowing she would let go of life so suddenly. My grandmother was a religious and whole-hearted person and before she went to the hospital she looked into my eyes, as I sat beside and read to her; — do you think Jesus will save me? I answered yes. And she looked pleased.
I had no clue, but it felt true. It probably felt true to both of us. If our fears are illusions, we can create what we desire.
She died the same evening and my father joined us. We all slept in her home that night and I something woke me up. It was dark outside. And there she was, standing in the doorway to the living room, surrounded by a beautiful light. Looking healthy and with a magical smile. Scared I stumbled across the room to find the switch for the light and just like that she was gone… I knew she came back to assure us that everything was all right; that she was all right.
But god did I miss here. Can still hear her voice answering the phone… It made me feel safe. Knowing my mum was alive made me feel safe. Suddenly things change and I was not prepared.
"We all grow up and wait for the right moment to follow our desires. But when is the right moment? And who decides?"
On a road trip to Grand Canyon, in the States, we came across a retired woman, who was on a bus trip from Canada… We started to talk about life and how it is all about enjoying it to the fullest. She had 7 friends who died around the time when they got retired, waiting for that magical moment to do all the things they had longed, waited and saved for. So she had promised herself not to wait for life to happen, not to wait any longer, but to go ahead and take action to enjoy life here and now.
So what are we waiting for? Is time an illusion? A label that we just use to make it easier for ourselves, to wait for the right moment that never comes.
Later you might say… But what does that mean?
If my writing can inspire you to make a difference for the good of all, for you to expand your life experience, well that´s enough for me.
I am taking action, I am the change, I am in the middle of the creative mist and it has just started and I will not wait any longer…
Until next time;
For the love of life and our creative potential!